An Ode to the Neighbors of 42nd Street

I live on 42nd Street
It is so very nice
We love our little house
And all the fun there is in Crown Heights.

We love to take walks at night
Or hang out at the Sip
Get some frozen yogurt, you ask?
It's oh so very hip.

But while we love our place a lot
I must go ahead and say
There are some weirdos on this block
And they get weirder every day.

There's Tony on the right
Who likes to rev his cars
He likes to kidnap our friends
And make them drive him to bars
(and stop for a whiskey coke at La Baguette and make them take him to pick up his whale steak).

There are the dudes down the way
Who like to party hard
They have a statue of a lion
And have parties with their bed in the yard.

There's Katharine and Thad on the left
They are our very good friends
We like to play Mario Kart a lot
And if you're playing Katharine, you're effed

Then there are the new ones
I don't even know their names
But they are bonafide crazytown
This isn't even a game

They like to sit on their porch
And they literally sit all day
Sometimes yelling, sometimes crying
Other times hitting people in the face

Sometimes they knock off a gas line
And they say it was because they were sweeping
But they are probably building a meth lab
And it will explode while we are sleeping

They pound on Katharine's wall all night
Screaming EFF YOU, EFF YOU, EFF YOU
They have large pitbulls who run around
And do not discriminate where they poo.

These lovely friends are leaving us
Tomorrow, or so they say
If they don't, their landlord will call the cops
And in jail for a while they will stay.

I love you, 42nd Street
Don't doubt it, I really do
But when will you stop throwing the crazy?
Hopefully very, very soon.

The End.

P.S. I know I should be the next poet laureate, you don't have to tell me.
P.P.S. IF YOU KNOW ANYONE WHO IS NOT A FELON AND IS LOOKING FOR A CUTE DUPLEX IN AN AWESOME NEIGHBORHOOD (seriously, it's great. super cute with sushi neko, VZD's, the wedge, etc very close), PLEEEEEASE SEND THEM OUR WAYYYY!